Choosing Music for a Farewell

Music is powerful and has a way of reaching places that words can’t. At a funeral it becomes part of the storytelling, another way of saying, “This is who they were. This is what they loved. This is how they made us feel.” Choosing songs that feel true can make a real impact. Think of Elton John singing ‘Candle in the Wind’ at the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales, a single song that carried a nation.

Choosing Music With Meaning
Music helps set the tone of a ceremony. If you’re celebrating a life well lived, you might choose something joyful, humorous, nostalgic or even mischievous – ‘I’ve Had the Time of My Life’ by Bill Medley & Jennifer Warnes, ‘What a Wonderful World’ by Louis Armstrong or ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra.

You might want a song that honours your person’s passions or interests, ‘The Chain’ by Fleetwood Mac for an F1 fan (I realise there are more recent themes), ‘Three Lions’ by Baddiel, Skinner & The Lightning Seeds for someone who loved football, or ‘Fields of Gold’ by Sting for someone with a love for the great outdoors.

If your person loved to rock out, you could go for ABBA, Elvis or an 80s power ballad, ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Bat Out of Hell’ or ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ spring to mind. And if they appreciated a bit of country and western, there are so many beautiful choices… ‘Go Rest High On That Mountain’ by Vince Gill, ‘The Dance’ by Garth Brooks and ‘When I Get Where I’m Going’ by Brad Paisley and Dolly Parton.

Often families want songs that speak to their raw emotion: ‘How Do I Say Goodbye’ by Dean Lewis, ‘Supermarket Flowers’ by Ed Sheeran or ‘Jealous of the Angels’ by Donna Taggart. Others simply want to express their love, ‘I Will Always Love You’ by Whitney Houston, ‘All My Love’ by Coldplay or ‘Heaven’ by Bryan Adams.

Songs can also reflect how a family sees their person, ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole or how they’ll be remembered, ‘Forever in Blue Jeans’ by Neil Diamond. It might even be a chance to share their perspective on life: ‘Circle of Life’ by Elton John, ‘Dancing in the Sky’ by Dani and Lizzy or ‘Always Look on the Bright Side of Life’ by Eric Idle.

In particularly difficult circumstances, choosing music can feel especially tender. Some families find comfort in songs written about the specific situation they are experiencing like, ‘Winter Bear’ by Cody Grant for baby loss, or Jessie J’s ‘I’ll Never Know Why’, written about the pain of suicide. Sometimes these words express emotions that families feel but can’t say themselves.

At the end of a ceremony, many families like to finish on music with a positive or hopeful note. Music that suggests a beautiful onward journey, ‘The Lark Ascending’ by Vaughan Williams, ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ by Harold Arlen or music that speaks of living on through memory, ‘I’ll Be Seeing You’ by Billie Holiday. Some families choose songs that offer hope of reunion with loved ones who have passed, such as ‘Together Again’ by Peters & Lee.

Alternative Arrangements That Change Everything
Sometimes it’s not the song choice but the version. You may think ‘Jingle Bells’ feels inappropriate for a funeral, but the arrangement by James Morgan is hauntingly beautiful and could be perfect for someone who adored Christmas or whose funeral is in December.

Similarly, Coldplay’s ‘A Sky Full of Stars’ is a lovely nod to someone whose belief is that we become a star but the original might feel too concerty. Bastian Verte’s lyric free rendition keeps the sentiment while creating space for contemplation.

Recorded or Live Music?
Most families I work with choose recorded music, it’s affordable, familiar and easy to arrange. But live music can add something incredibly personal. A solo singer, a choir, a string quartet… it’s not unusual to hear bagpipes or a bugle at a military funeral. And if a family member feels able to perform, it can create a moment that feels intimate and unforgettable.

So Where do you Begin?
For a typical 30 minute service to accompany cremation or burial, three pieces of music often works well – one to welcome people, one that holds space for reflection and one to accompany people as they leave. But there are no hard and fast rules. You can include more if you wish, though it will naturally reduce the spoken content, so it’s worth thinking about what balance feels right.

Start With the Person You’re Remembering

What did they listen to at home, in the car, or while cooking?
Did they have a favourite artist, band, era, or genre?
Are there songs that reflect their passions, beliefs or legacy?
Did they love something unexpected, a guilty pleasure, a cheesy classic, a song that made everyone laugh?
And if they weren’t musical at all, that’s fine. Choose pieces that reflect their personality instead, uplifting, calming, bold or playful.

Don’t Be Afraid of Emotion
Families sometimes worry that a particular song will “set everyone off” but while music can open the heart quickly, tears aren’t a sign that something has gone wrong. They’re a sign that someone mattered. Often, the most emotional song becomes the moment people remember most fondly.

When You’re Completely Stuck
Grief can make decision making feel impossible. If nothing comes to mind, try:

A song that reminds you of a happy moment
A piece that brings you comfort
Asking close friends or relatives for suggestions, someone often says, “They loved this…”

Let Your Celebrant Guide You
If you’re still unsure, your celebrant can gently guide you. They can suggest music based on the tone you want the ceremony to hold or on the information you have shared about your loved one. A funeral isn’t about perfection, it’s about connection and the right music, chosen with care, can help everyone feel a little closer to the person they’ve lost and to one another.

Here to help
If you would like a farewell ceremony that is special, that’s what I do. I don’t rush. I don’t use templates. I take time to understand. Ceremonies don’t need to be loud or showy to be powerful. They can be gentle, intentional and beautiful – it’s the inspiration behind the name of my business and blog and what I do best.

If you’d like to know more please contact me because ‘a life story deserves… beautiful words’.

Speak soon